Life has a way of surprising you. That saying “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” rings true for us – especially over these past few months.
Just under a year ago, my son and I were spending most of our free time at a Vermont barn sharing our love of horses. But following a particularly heart breaking experience with that trainer, rekindling our equestrian joy has been a struggle. Despite our best efforts.
After moving to a new barn in late 2019, we started riding a fun little mare named Josie and the flame started to burn a little more brightly. But then COVID-19 hit after only a few months of riding her. Lessons were canceled, the barn became open only for boarders, and we haven’t ridden since.
If we had our own horse, we would have found a way to keep getting time in the saddle. But, to add insult to injury, the one time we did go see a horse in New Hampshire, the seller was so dishonest we have yet to get that bad taste out of our mouths.
I had been so diligent when inquiring about this horse – Did it like children? How tall was it? Any medical issues? etc etc. Of course the seller told me everything I wanted to hear and sent amazing videos. My son got his hopes up and we piled into the car with our trainer. Then, after a 3 hour drive we discovered the mare was 14.1 hands (not 15.1 as advertised), had club feet and a terrible attitude. She bit my son twice in under 5 minutes. We didn’t even bother riding her.
I know this is part of the game when looking for a good horse. No one wants to sell an honest horse, so one should expect horse shopping to take a good long while.
But this is not the beginning of our horse journey. This is 3+ years into our pursuit of the equestrian dream. And we are tired. Plus, with a global pandemic in full swing, traveling around to see horses is not really an option.
Horses Carry the Sins of People
A couple weeks ago, I ran into a gentleman I know who trains horses here in Vermont. He asked if we had ever found a horse for my son, and after telling him what we’d been through he said: “Yes, that’s too often the way of it in the horse world. Horses carry the sins of people.”
“That sounds like poetry,” I replied.
“It is,” he said. Horses are poetry!” Then he sauntered off, cowboy hat in one hand and a beautiful black Friesian he was about to ride in the other.
His words ring true. All of the horses that have been in our lives have been honest about who they are. Not once has a horse tried to deceive. It’s the people who stand to make money off them, either by selling the horse itself or by selling their training services, who have sullied the horses with their own end game. I think my son and I would agree that we have appreciated each horse for what it was. We don’t have any ill feelings toward any horse. But we are tired of dealing with horse people.
Our current trainer is an exception. I have known her for years and we should have been at her barn all along. But with COVID-19 in the equation and without a horse of our own, I don’t see us riding anytime soon. And to be honest, we may have lost the heart for it.
“I think my horse days are done,” my son told me earlier this week.
“Really? Why?” I asked him. “Don’t you love riding horses?” For his sake, I had been willing to pick things back up, starting with his lessons and even horse shopping again once it is safe.
“Yes,” he answered. “I do love horses. But all the horse people lie and I always get my heart broken. I think it’s time to move on from horses.”
Those were some of the saddest words I’ve ever heard, especially coming from a 10-year-old.
And I can’t help feeling guilty for not choosing the people who were involved in our horse journey more wisely. But the truth is, I did my best given the information I had at the time. I really tried my best. And that is all any of us can ever do.
I’m sorry buddy, that your equestrian journey is over.
7 comments
My daughter showed from age 7 to age 9. Her last show she won happy rider and a blue ribbon! As she dismounted Paisley that afternoon she said “I no longer want to ride in shows. The trainer is only after the ribbons, Mom.” Saddest day of our horse dream. Fast forward 6 years. She is 15. She has found a new barn. She told me this was her dream barn. She has decided to ride and show again. Her love and passion for the horse never left her. Again, it was the human that destroyed the experience!
Thank you Laura for sharing such a kind comment. I hope that my son will give horses another try someday.
When I first read this post a couple months ago, I was sad for you and your son and wished you all the best, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t see such a thing happening to me. Ha- how wrong I was!
I went to talk about purchasing a horse that I had been working with for the past three years, since she was 1 1/2. I taught her everything she knows, and I’ll be the first to admit that she’s a damn fine horse. I’ll also be the first to admit that she’s not THAT nice of a horse- mediocre pedigree, decent mover, could make a nice trail/endurance horse but she’s not destined for the show ring, trained by an amateur (me!!). In addition to all the work I’ve put into her, I’ve also put hundreds of hours of my own time into putting miles on other horses owned by this same person, while also being a great employee. I put up with a lot of crap and always kept a smile on my face. With all of this, and the fact that I am significantly younger than the owner, working in a minimum wage salary paying for all of this myself, I trusted this person I’ve known for over three years to be honest and fair to me.
This was a poor decision.
She was extremely manipulative, trying to get me to pay more than what I made very clear I could afford, lied through her teeth the entire time, talking about other buyers and her phenomenal pedigree and how she can’t afford to budge even 500$ (remember, millionaire vs minimum wage worker), and on and on. And when I finally said I couldn’t afford this? Three days later she was selling this 4 1/2 year old GREEN horse to a family that wanted a Christmas present for their five year old. Yes, that’s right. A person that has 60+ horses, many of which are very suitable family horses, having been in years of lessons and happy to just plod along and do whatever they are asked, this lady decides to sell the horse she knows would hurt me the most. How spiteful is that? Not only is she selling an unsuitable horse to a family that is clearly trusting the ‘expert’, and essentially ruining a good horse in the process (because right now she needs consistent work with an experienced rider, not a five year old! She’s chill, but not that chill), simply because she didn’t get what she wanted from me, which was only because she was unwilling to budge an inch.
I’m sorry for the long post, and I’m sorry that I probably didn’t even explain the situation correctly, but I’m so mad and disappointed and honestly I pity this person and just needed to complain on the internet for a bit lol. While this post seemed so far fetched to me a mere month ago I fully understand where you’re coming from now. Being stabbed in the back was bad enough but to then go out of her way to twist the knife? I have no desire to be involved with this lady or even horses right now. I’m confident I’ll be back in the saddle sometime in the future but for now? The idea just makes me sad and preemptively disappointed. People are truly the worst parts of the horse experience.
I’m so sorry that happened to you Rachel. I know how much that must have hurt given the time you spent with this horse and the relationship you have built together. 🙁 I also feel bad for that family buying a green horse for their 5 year old. We learned the hard way the meaning of the saying “green on green makes black and blue.” There is so much duplicity in the horse world – which doesn’t mean there aren’t honest folks, there ARE. You just kinda have to know enough to find them, which is tough for a beginner.
Totally relate to your comment about feeling sad and preemptively dissapointed too. Hopefully the ember won’t go out. I haven’t posted about it yet but we just started leasing a new horse…. I found him via a good friend who knows him and his owner. We are only a couple weeks into it but so far so good. Give your heart time to heal. It took almost a year before I felt like I could begin to move past our experience with Mo. <3
If you are in the Texas area, I may know exactly who you are talking about. I’ve been in this situation, and it sucks to put so much into a horse and not get anything out of it. I work for a person just like this, and what I’ve learned is not to teach the horses too much, because they get sold. It’s a shame we have to think like that but it’s because of how the owner is. I wish you the very best in your situation. <3
Thank you for sharing this! My 14 year old daughter has been all about horses for the past 10 years. We thought we found “the barn” when she was about 10. It was great for about a year before the owner/trainer turned into a bully, forcing my daughter to ride a horse she wasn’t ready for. My daughter lost her confidence. We found a new barn, loved the laid back nature and the way they trained their horses. My daughter was leasing a horse we hoped to buy and bring with us from MI to CA when we moved. We did end up purchasing the mare, she spent 6 months in CA then we trailered her back to MI for the summer so my daughter could intern at the barn. We have no idea what happened in the year that we were gone, but the constant criticism, contradictory comments, and unrealistic expectations crushed my kiddos love of horses. We packed up and headed back to CA a.s.a.p. Two days ago she came to me crying because she wants to take a break from horses, but isn’t sure what that means for her mare and she isn’t sure what that means for herself if she isn’t a horse girl. It’s heart breaking. I understand your comment about wishing we had picked better barns for her, but we did the best we could.
I think one of the biggest things I have learned over the past 6 months is not to dwell on the past, but to learn from it and use those lessons to make better choices the next time you have an opportunity to do so. I’ve also learned that it’s OK to stop doing horses, whether it’s just for now or for good. No one knows what the future holds and if you weren’t really ready to give it up, you won’t be able to stop thinking about horses.
I’m sorry to hear about your experience – I’ve been surprised by how many emails I’ve gotten about this post. For what it’s worth, this struggle we’ve had is not unusual. That doesn’t make it any easier to experience, or to see your child struggle with. Sending warm vibes to you and your daughter from Vermont. <3